hey all. was watching some show off YouTube and it's addictive. and i'm so lazy that i didn't upload the photos yet! gah. julie how about me emailing it to you?

sigh. had a good talk with my dad today, and well, he did say quite a few things and i heard some part and it made me think like wow. there he is doing so well, and here i am blogging like some moron with just twenty five dollars in my bank account. i've spent all my money already as you can see.

and i think my mum knows about my foolish secret. she has been asking some really weird questions and my brother and sister has to cover up for me. sigh. see, paper can't wrap around fire. gosh, imagine the day when every thing is exposed i think she'll feel betrayed and stupid like how can i fool her for so so long. and i know that feeling is gonna suck, and she'll probably do those stuffs she did to me back in primary school. sigh. lying sucks, i do not want to lie, but... some circumstances in this world cause people to lie. my mum used to asked me 'who taught me to lie?' and i told her nobody but me. but thats the truth right? i didn't pick up lying from some random person. and whatever man, i thought lying can solve everything but thats just another lie to yourself.

and my lies was always exposed to my mum, so i guess it'll be the same as long as i live. gosh, maybe i should just stop this stupid secret. and cancel everything, live life as before, i can save money this way. but it's so hard, and i may have to pay more then i should. gosh, i do not know what to do. i swear she knows, i know it when she knows something. damnit. i feel so screwed up?

but, i should be responsible for it, i asked for it. ugh.

what would happen if i fall?
i've stopped thinking of some stuffs, it is good for my soul - like chicken soup.